Living with ADHD has just as many advantages as disadvantages. Being a “Productive” member of society requires pharmaceutical aids to help me stay in my chair and BE productive. Having recently run out of my meds staying in my chair, at my desk, or even in the area around my desk is a task impossible to accomplish. Frustrating? Absolutely! Fun? You have no idea…..
The day starts off with the best of intensions to buckle down and focus on my job. Unfortunately, the nature of my job has its distractions. Interruptions by calls, co-workers & required consultations leave ample opportunity for me to look right as my focus runs left. My weakness? Interaction with others. I thrive on it. While I try with all my might to stay interested in my busy work, I seize the moment to socialize. If those moments don’t come to me, I go find the moment. A trip to the break room for water will somehow lead me into the far corners of the building visiting with those in other departments that I am normally unable to visit with. These detours are short, typically lasting only long enough to stir things up before I am off to the next victim. This version of me is fun and everyone gets involved in the chaos. I never overstay my welcome, so generally people are happy to see me.
…..but some days, I get on my own nerves. I honestly don’t know how many people can say that. Impulsively speak when I should have paused for just a moment to think about what nonsense just came out of my mouth. Racing thoughts that turn into random actions that I wish I had better control of, at times it leaves me feeling like a prisoner in my own body. The speed at which the thoughts come hinder my ability to communicate with ease which is probably the worst part. Speech comes out in half sentences and I have to make a conscious effort to slow down, and breathe, just to express myself. These days I use humor to laugh at myself and ask that someone just pass me the crayons.
This is supposed to be something you grow out of. I must have done something wrong along the way because it is worse now than it was 10 years ago. It is what it is. It has given me advantages in situations throughout my life. Creativity comes in handy EVERYWHERE. I solve problems. The obvious solution to a problem for me never seems to be the obvious for anyone else. I am an out of the box thinker. “The Box” cannot contain me (according to me). With that being said I sometimes miss the simple answers, and complicate the situation. I am innovative. I have proposed marketing tools that are currently being developed (I don’t even work in marketing). I rally the troops and get people involved. Make no mistake, my hair-brain ideas flop just as often as they are a smashing success, but they never stop coming.
With all that said, when my pharmaceutical aids were ready to be replenished, I paused. As if I had multiple personalities, many shared the opinion that the unmedicated me was the preferred me, the fun me. Which raised the question, which is better? Fun? Or Productive?
ajilladay 